"Life is a dream, realize it."
It has been exactly 16 days since I’ve started my OJT in TPSP/OSG. And so far, I could say that I haven’t really learned anything that would help my career growth nor it helped me to be prepare for the real world after I graduate. As each days passed, I started getting more anxious about my future. I’m becoming more worried on what my life would be after graduation. Being a part of this company doesn’t really help me enlighten on what becoming an Industrial Engineer may feel. It doesn’t provide the proper environment for me to learn as a future Industrial Engineer. I kinda regret applying here, unlike Van who was really enjoying his time in here, after all this is what he really wants. He is more inclined in IT part so of course he would want this. This company is really good for IT interns but definitely not for IEs. I mean, it’s fun being in here, but I’m really just worried for my future. I never actually learned anything in school that I could apply on my future job. I’ve been looking for jobs online offered for Industrial Engineers to know what are the requirements, responsibilities and job ddescriptionsthat they would expect on an Industrial Engineer. And by just looking at the different job posts, it actually makes me more worried. There are many unfamiliar things, and it made me even more aware that I haven’t really learned anything. I guess it’s one of the perks of being part of the pioneers in our course in our school. They were like just experimenting on us. Our teachers were not even serious in teaching us. A simple solution of my worries would be to work in a job that is not really inclined to my course, a job that is easier for me to do. It solves everything, but, as in there’s a big BUT, my parents, not really my biological parents but people who raised me, is expecting me to have a job that is really inclined with my course. They have this big expectation of me that I would become something big and I really really don’t want to disappoint them. I have already disappointed them once, and I don’t want to do it again. <sigh> I know my problem is really shallow, I even doubt if it’s really a problem at all but it has been bugging me everyday. I always have this worries on me and I really don’t like it. It’s eating on me, and I don’t want to live with having worries in my head. It’s like my heart has some kind of a hole, and it really sucks I cannot really explain it and that’s what makes it more frustrating. I really don’t want and can’t talk this to any of my friends or my family, because I feel like they all have this high expectations of me, like I could do everything, which I can’t. And it sucks knowing I’m not even one-half of the person they thought I am.
This is why I don’t share my dilemmas with them. Lesson learned. It’s better if I just keep it on my own and suffer alone than to listen to their insults. They dare judge when they don’t even know what I felt these past few days. Oh wait, how would they know when they don’t even bother to ask. Sigh. Well, there’s nothing I could do about it. I’m used to it. Just need to immune myself with the pain every damn time. Should never share my problems with them again. Never. I don’t have the right to complain after all.